On why I deserve the Nobel prize

Psst…. I have news. No, a view. An epiphany came to me during the dying minutes of the exam that will decide my future. It was the funniest thing ever. One second you are furiously working out the intricacies of the English language, and then a steamroller comes out of nowhere, making you jump and wonder why you didn’t see it before.

The views voiced in this post may face the jeremiad of millions on Earth. As far as believers go, I shall be committing blasphemy. And yet, one must remember that fortune favours the bold, and that if I do not get the truth out, maybe we have to wait for the Earth to be destroyed all over again for someone to get an inkling of what I have to say here.

Now I know why we are truly here. The Answer, my friend, has not been blowing in the wind. It has flashed on numerous computer screens. The only problem is that the people who have had the fortune of looking upon it are not as precocious or perceptive as I am. To cut a long  story short, they are not the geeks that they are expected to be. And yet I, having missed it  more than once, have managed to decipher the code that underlies the very foundation of geekdom.

Confused? I should think so. I haven’t mentioned anything yet. After all, Deep Thought only gave the Answer, and never did get to know the question. Much has remained unsaid and unasked. For example, no one really did question computer semantics, did they? Hell, millions of years, and nobody thought of that??? I mean, how perfect can a computer be? Only as good as its creators. And mind you, they weren’t English. So, I postulate that the Babel fish translator is flawed as far as interpreting mathematical data is concerned.

Getting warmer, are we? Time to get it out, I suppose. The answer is forty-two, all right. But we only heard forty two. We never ever had it in writing. Maybe Douglas Adams mistook us for Vogons. Or maybe he was just as ungeeky as the rest of the crowd. Observe:

Forty- Two = 42 x (wrong interpretation)

Forty- Two = 40 2 (new interpretation)

= 40 ^ 2

= 40 x 40

= 1600

The Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. How could we have missed it (Yeah, buddy. How could you have missed it? 90 isn’t even a multiple)? Here we are, going over the scores of scores, and we miss the square of two score? Therefore, I propose the following theory regarding the Earth.

1. ETS is the CPU of the giant computer known as Earth. There is no other plausible explanation for the Answer to be so deeply embedded in its working.

2. The answer is not a measure of geekiness. It is merely the answer.

3. The people who achieve the Answer are mere switches in the Earth’s circuit board.

4. I am the only true geek on the planet. And I am as great as Archimedes himself. No, Newton. No, Feynman. No, Gordon Moore. Hell, I am inimitable!!!

Gee, I think I just declared myself the Question.


One thought on “On why I deserve the Nobel prize

  1. Lefty says:

    As I explained at length, there are multiple answers depending on perception.
    One answer is 40.
    The answer is 40, too.
    I deserve the Nobel. You deserve the Ig Nobel.

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